griffinick: (Wolf)
[personal profile] griffinick
My grandfather is dying. Cancer. Very fast growing cancer, which apparently has been forming for a while. I have no idea how much longer he'll be around, but it's perhaps a couple weeks at most.

He went into the hospital about a week ago with severe belly pain. The doctors ran all sorts of tests, but I sort of thought, given the symptoms, that it was perhaps a bad case of indigestion or blockage. I was waiting to hear when he'd get better and be back on his feet. It never dawned on me that he'd never recover. The news, which came today from Pathology, stunned me. It was all I could do to go teach my afternoon classes.

I love my grandfather, and have always had a very close relationship with him (and with my grandmother, who died in 2006). I suppose a naive part of me believed he'd always be there, and the news shocked that part of me into a very unhappy reality.

He will never see me get tenure.
He will never see me get married.
He will never meet or know of my children.
He will never read my first book.

I always thought (or at least hoped) that he would be there for those milestones in my life. I can't even imagine what a void he will leave. All I can do now is prepare myself for the inevitable.
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griffinick

July 2011

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